1. Preparation is a key: This was Jennifer's idea so I can't take the credit for thinking of it but I can certainly take the credit for doing it! Jennifer was nice enough to print out a copy of the manual for me to read the night before we installed the oven and even though it didn't help me much from a technical standpoint as far as learning things goes, it did help to get a little more familiar with the process of installing the oven as a whole. It goes back to the old saying--knowledge is power. By reading the appropriate parts of the manual (the ones the most involved me such as actually lifting the oven into place) I was able to better expect how things would actually work on installation day. It wasn't all new to me and I didn't have to ask a lot of needless questions. I was more prepared than I have been with previous projects and I was able to do a good job and be a good teammate as a result.
2. Stay calm: Step No. 1 helped in this too but I was able to stay calm throughout the project. Not that it was completely easy; there were some things that Jennifer did (cleaning-related things) that I felt was unnecessary but I was able to just do my deep-breathing work and stay focused on the task at hand. It also helped me to remind myself that even though some of the things Jennifer felt were necessary to do I didn't agree with, they were important to her. I was successful in staying calm and not making a big deal about anything I didn't disagree. And by staying calm, that allowed me to stay focused until the very end of the job and even be able to make some jokes about it which I think Jennifer appreciated.
3. Listen and don't talk so much: Again, No. 1 helped with this because I was pretty prepared and didn't have to answer a lot of questions. But I am also learning that in stressful condo situations I have to walk a fine line between being involved and alert and not asking too many (seemingly) dumb questions (I say seemingly because--depending on where Jennifer is at the moment that can be seen as dumb even if they actually aren't). In this project, I definitely had my listening ears on and was able to take instructions and carry out my part of the project (this included three trips to Lowe's in order to buy more parts, tools, etc). By listening more and talking less I was able to be a good teammate and help carry out my end of the project, which is actually a philosophy that well probably serve me very well in our relationship going forward.
4. Be supportive, positive and upbeat: This is one thing I was able to do very well! High-five for me! By listening and staying really tuned in all day long, I was able to know when was the right time to be supportive, when was the right time to offer advice and when was the right time to offer up a laugh or a joke to help level out some of the tension. I was able to do this because I was so plugged in and attentive all day and I was able to do THAT because ...
5. Remember, it's not about you!: It's amazing how much different I performed on this project because I remembered that it's not about me. Yes it was hard and yes there moments (thankfully only fleeting ones) where I did start to edge toward this old, destructive bad behavior. As I mentioned before, I didn't agree with every precaution Jennifer took or did I feel like everything she did was totally necessary. But guess what? As an adult, I don't have too. What I do have to do though is not to let it affect ME negatively. I can't personalize things on these projects; I am working very hard to accept the Jennifer has a certain way of doing things and some of the things that she does are necessary for HER to get through the project successfully. Those things are about HER and whether she verbalizes it or not, I have to recognize that. I was able to do so on this project, to not feel sorry for myself and--as a result--was able to stay plugged and in supportive all day long.
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